I’m finally getting a go in the Koleos because after several weeks at wheels HQ nobody else wants it anymore. Charming. After the usual cordial handover process (find the key fob on my desk with a tatty post-it note reading ‘it’s empty and dirty — enjoy’) I hop in none too amused but my mood improves when I take in the quality of the cabin.

The purple ambient lighting mounted in slender chrome strips on the door cards and dash helps jazz-up the interior and the chocolate-brown leather seats look good enough to bite into. The centre console is clutter free, all round visibility is good and it has plenty of leg- shoulder- and head room. The panoramic roof bathes the cabin with light giving it an airy feel and so far I’m impressed until I grab the steering; the stitching is abrasive to the touch and I wonder if I’ll be wheeling the CUV with my fingertips. My palms soon grow used to the rough texture and with nothing but fumes to go on, it’s a good job that it always sets off in Eco mode. After it’s had a drink (Dh20 sees the fuel gauge jump to the quarter mark) I reach for the button to set it to Normal but with just 168 horses on tap it doesn’t prove to be the zippiest of performers and I decide I can’t take the drone of the CVT anymore and plan to nullify the awful sound with some music but I’m forced to suffer until I eventually locate the controls for the radio, which for reasons unknown, are hidden away behind the steering...

The AC controls have been snuck away too; they’re buried in the infotainment system and when you step into a baking hot car the last thing you want to do is fumble around looking for a knob which isn’t there to adjust the speed of the fan.

This CUV is proving good and bad in equal measures so far...